my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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