please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
