I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
