Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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