I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
