My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
