I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
