kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
