everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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