i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
