Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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