Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
