Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
