walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was like having sex with a tree stump
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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