Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
