Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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