whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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