what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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