you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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