You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
