your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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