Are we in a gay sports bar?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize