And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
