i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
