There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
