I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
