I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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