ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
