I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
