I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
