My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
