What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
