just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
