oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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