Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
