once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
