You just made me feel so damn special
Umm I'm too high to move.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
