Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
