SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
