If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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