I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
