I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
