Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your penis caused this!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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