im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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