So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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