Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
