Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
