Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Man, jail baloney is awful.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
