Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
