My room smells like vodka and shame
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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