dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
