the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
