So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
