She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
