just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
