Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
