I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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