hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
