it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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