I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
