This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
