I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
