i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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