Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
