You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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