I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize