This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
