I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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