Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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